Clean Up Your Mess! Restorative Justice and Alternative Judicial Remedies for Cyberbullying Cases

Alternative Judicial and Disciplinary Approaches to Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying responses fall into the “too hot” or “too cold” categories. Schools, parents and the judiciary system must aim for justice and “just right” instead. Prosecutors either decide that there is no case, or none worth prosecuting, or throw the book at the cyberbullies. And, in some cases, the only difference between the two is whether or not the community has faced negative cyberbullying publicity or experienced a cyber-bullycide.

In the Phoebe Prince case, the prosecutor indicted the students under a wide-range of crimes, including civil rights violations and harassment. The last of the six students charged recently entered into a plea bargain that resulted in 100 hours of community service and an order not to profit from the case or Phoebe’s story. While Parry Aftab has been very supportive of the way this case has been handled, she hoped that any “community service” requirement would include work toward stopping cyberbullying.

At a joint speaking engagement in Vermont, Barbara Coloroso (one of the world’s leading experts in bullying and in genocide) explained her take on “restorative justice[1]” to Parry.  Each added their unique perspective to the issue. Parry had been advocating alternative justice avenues and early intervention programs when the cyberbullying violates the law but doesn’t pose a threat of bodily harm or death. Both agreed that the cyberbully should be required to make things right.

Building on Barbara’s teachings, Parry has created a program to require court or official supervised “restitution.” Parry calls this “cleaning up the mess you made.”

Clean Up the Mess You Made (a/k/a “restorative justice” or “restitution”)

Cyberbullying often involves popular students (or those who want the popular ones to like them better) using their social clout to exclude their target or to ruin their reputation. It also involves big tough bullies who intimidate their targets and others physically. Some cyberbullies are hackers, highly skilled in technology and good gamers. 

Others are articulate and understand the concepts of viral “marketing” to spread their messages far and wide. Cyberbullies have more talent, often, than their offline counterparts. Their messages can be more subtle (although just as deadly). They trade in insinuations, rumors and posing as their targets.

If we turned their misused talents to fixing their targets’ reputation, instead of destroying it, and having their posts removed and their texts deleted, while it may not be perfect, it’s an important start. Successful corporations offer reputation clean-up services. But no one can do it as well as a teen, tween or younger cyberbully required to undo the damage they caused.

We teach our children to clean up after themselves. It’s part of learning responsibility and understanding consequences of their behavior. The bigger the mess they make, the harder the clean-up. It makes sense. It serves the greater justice. And, it works.

The same “mean girls” who defamed their target with false rumors about her promiscuity can help turn things around with texts and IMs sent to everyone they sent the original statements to, telling them that what they did was wrong and asking others to delete anything they had and to forward this to others they may have shared the derogatory statements with. Supervision is crucial to make sure that the apology is genuine and this is not used to further the attacks.

The cyberbullies should also be required to apologize. Not just with a simple “I’m sorry,” but with a heartfelt message and a promise not to do it again. The apology should be public, to those who witnessed the cyberbullying. And, the apology must appear to be sincere. Students’ online posts and texts should be monitored for a period of time to make sure that they are not using the apology to further fuel the cyberbullying fire.

The target doesn’t have to accept the apology, but should hear or see it. The goal is not to make them best friends or require the target to do or stop doing anything. The goal is to teach the cyberbully about what is acceptable and what is not.

When criminals are convicted, often the items used in the commission of the crime are seized and forfeited. Jet boats and aircraft, million dollar mansions, motorcycles and sports cars are auctioned off by law enforcement authorities after being seized. Why are students, when they plead “no contest” or “guilty” to the commission of a cyberbullying offense be any different? Why should their XBox accounts or their Facebook profiles remain their own? Cell phones, gaming devices and laptops are the cyberbullying crime equivalent of the mansions, boats and planes. Why not forfeit them?

When students are charged with a crime, their access to justice often falls into one of two camps – those with the funds to hire quality defense counsel and pull strings when necessary and everyone else. Although this is rapidly changing, cyberbullying tends to be higher in more affluent communities. The students have more devices and access to technology, they don’t have to hold down jobs after school to help their parents make the rent (which gives them lots of downtime and the opportunity to seek entertainment at the cost of others when bored) and are more likely to use words as a weapon.

We have seen cases where students from well-connected families can get away with cyberbullying, while others do not. And when cyberbullying is sometimes motivated by economic differences, the brand and condition of clothing worn by the target, who wears hand-me-downs, this can be especially troubling.

Everyone is searching for a silver bullet. There is never one silver bullet solution for any important issue. First you need to examine the issue, understand what is happening, motives and tactics. Only then can you parse it well enough to target the easy issues. Digital hygiene (good passwords, clean machines and privacy settings) can reduce cyberbullying significantly. Teaching digital and information literacy will help students use better judgment in what they do or how they respond to avoid appearing to be a cyberbully accidentally. Giving students the skills to “take it offline” when something said by a friend  hurts their feelings, can help them deal with the confusing nature of digital communications or cyberbullies posing as their friends.

The more we can address the facets of cyberbullying, teach our children to “stop, block and tell” rather than give the cyberbullies the reaction they are seeking, the easier the problem will be. No silver bullet – but ways to reduce the likelihood that students can be easily targeted, students hurting other by accident and students thinking that they can get away with cyberbullying. For justice to apply, the consequences must be clear, consistent and the punishment must fit the crime.

Phoebe Prince’s family was satisfied, apparently, with the sentencing. But for the next case, hopefully we can expect a punishment that better fits the crime and teach all students to clean up after their own mess.

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[1] Restorative justice is a term used more outside of the US than within the US. (Barbara spends a great deal of time addressing these issues in Canada and worldwide, and has been preaching restorative justice for years.)

Baby Monitor Hacker Creeps

Yesterday Good Morning America asked for my expertise on the safety of baby monitors.

A couple in Texas had their baby monitor hacked by a creep who was watching their sleeping two year old and talking to her using lewd language. Luckily, the child is deaf and did not know of the creep's attempts to get her attention. The parents overheard the adult male's voice and ran to her room, to hear it first hand. After ripping the baby monitor from the wall, they decided to go public with their story.

As some of you may know, I am a grandmother. When my son and daughter-in-law decided to install internet-capable baby monitors, I freaked. I understood the desire/need to be able to check on the baby while they are sleeping or in their room, but I also knew far too much about security breaches that could allow creeps to view my grandbaby.

I have a team of security professionals. So, my grandchild has as secure access as possible. But nothing attached to the Internet is fully secure. There are benefits of using a baby monitor - including your being able to make sure your child is safe. But if sloppy installation or careless use puts them at risk, you have defeated the reason for using one.

For those of you who have kids or grandkids and want to be able to monitor them using internet-capable devices make sure you check the following:

• For wifi devices (those which don't need a computer to access the Internet), make sure they have security enabled, along with strong passwords (easy to remember, but hard to guess). Some allow for direct router authentication, when you push a button on both the router and the device to pair them securely. 
• For computer tethered devices (those that work through a computer connection to the Internet), make sure the computer itself is secure, all access points to and from the computer are protected with strong passwords and additional authentication, if possible.
• For cellphone apps, make sure they offer security, promise to keep your personal information secure and you keep the cellphone access secure through the use of passwords. (When losing your cellphone or trading it in, make sure that all apps are removed and access revoked, as well as hard resets done to remove data.
• When firing people, or ending relationships, make sure all passwords and access are changed and they no longer have access to your monitoring devices.
• See if your device provider offers the ability to check who has accessed the device stream and when. If they do, use it and use it often.
• Lock your computers when not in use and make sure that passwords are required to login.

Ask.fm, Here We Go Again!

New networks and technologies pop up all the time. Some recycle a tried and true business model – allow or encourage hate, cyberbullying, cyberharassment or hype. It might not start out as a strategy, but once the management discovers that negativity is very popular and will draw new users, it becomes the default. We saw it after Murdoch bought MySpace. We saw it with FormSpring and Honesty Box. We saw it with Juicy Campus, and many more. The one thing that management may not understand is that negativity and the network that’s sole draw is allowing negativity to foster have a short shelf life. MySpace is only a sparkle in Tom’s eye. (If you don’t know who “Tom” is, I’ve made my point!) Juicy Campus was shut down for fraud by two attorneys general with our help. FormSpring is abandoned by most users. And Honesty Box died a quick death. The kids find these first. Their business model may be built around honest appraisals of consumer products or allowing someone to be anonymous when asking or answering questions. But once the kids find it and abuse it, the model changes. When most start-ups are funded, risk management is often forgotten. It is always underfunded. And few managers understand how to build a safer network. And with a quick growth (MySpace grew from 6 million users to 50 million users in 6 months!), little time is allowed for managing risk. There is little incentive to clamp down on user-generated-abuses, harassment and cyberbullying, since the ability to misuse the network is the main reason for its popularity and stellar growth. Parents sign petitions. Legislators hold hearings. Consumer and privacy protection agencies investigate. The pattern is clear. But unless the network’s investors or banks or insurance providers insist on the adoption of best practices, or unless we can find a legal hole that allows the network to be shut down or heavily fined for its practice, it merely dies a slow death like all the rest of its kind. Ask.fm is in our crosshairs now. Its management has a choice – do it right or face the same demise as the others before it. Facebook grew based on its not being MySpace. It’s easy to see the difference good risk management makes in long term growth and user-adoption. Here we go again.

Take Some Time Away from the Digital and with the Family in RL

Summer Days - August is traditionally the family vacation month for most of the world. This August, try to take some time off from digital devices, emails, Facebook, Twitter, apps, games, texts and YouTube. Talk instead. Laugh instead. Sing and dance instead. Use your handhelds for recording video and pics to share later on. But don't sacrifice family time for that quick and non-essential digital message or activity. There's always time for the next texts, emails and instagrams after the smores, board games and bonding.

When Do You Start Teaching Cybersafety Skills?

I get emails, hundreds a day. Many ask the same question - "When should we start teaching cybersafety?" The answer is easy. You start as soon as your kids start using digital devices. And that is often earlier than you think. Long before they get their own cell phones or Facebook accounts, they are using digital devices. They use DSi's of different generations, XBox and PS's of different generations, their own or their friend's bearville (Build-a-bear) and Webkinz accounts, Sesame Street and Disney sites and apps,they take and share images and videos and more. In "RL" (real life) safety begins at home. Our kids are taught not to stick forks into outlets (no matter how perfectly they seem to fit) and to hold the railing when walking down stairs. Digital literacy and cybersafety begin at home too. Set rules for when and how devices are used. Teach them that texting is not a dinnertime activity, and computer games should not replace homework. Help them create passwords that are easy to remember but hard to guess. Help them understand how to protect their privacy (especially their passwords) and devices. Digital hygiene tips, like anti-virus programs and not clicking on links, need to be reinforced. Buy insurance for their cellphones and have them check the pockets of their jeans before dropping them into the laundry to avoid testing the water-proofing of their handheld devices. :-) Back up all images from cell phones, just in case. Start early, and keep updating as they get older and get more devices. It's a conversation, not a lecture and important. To learn more, check out facebook.com/stopcyberbullying to sign up for our wiredparents training program.

The Fastest Way to Address Cyberbullying is to Teach Digital and Information Literacy to Our Youth

I have been working on cyberbullying and cyberharassment issues since 1995, before others in the field. In all those years we have seen one thread that runs through most cases - the more you understand digital and information literacy, the safer you are. Many young people offend others when they break the rules of netiquette (digital etiquette). They may be making a joke that is misunderstood online. They may send a message to the wrong person by accident that causes alarm. They may forget an essential word, like "not" in a statement like "you are [not] fat!" causing hurt. They share their passwords, create passwords that are easy to guess or leave their accounts open on a family or public computer. They don't protect their cellphones with passwords or keep them within sight at all times. Based upon our surveys and cases we handle, almost a third of cyberbullying cases could be avoided if we used better digital hygiene and thought before we clicked. Something to think about!

What Our 10-Year-Olds are Willing to Share with Their Parents

For years we have been surveying kids, tweens and teens and their digital preferences and practices. We have consistently heard that kids 10 and under are not uncomfortable with their parents monitoring their online communications. In fact, they have reported that they feel safer when their parents monitor their communications. And when we say "monitor" we are not talking about setting rules or placing the computer in a central location. We are talking about parents using monitoring software to track communications or checking their child's online accounts. These same tweens often object to their parents monitoring their communications when they reach 12 or 13 years of age. Why? Romance. Once they start having romantic interests, they want to hide their communications. Even if they don't have romantic interests themselves, their friends might be and they may be seeking to protect them from any parental scrutiny. What can we take away from this? When our children think that our monitoring their behavior comes from our wanting to keep them safe, instead of spying on their love life, they are happy to let us do our job. But if you look more like a peeping tom instead of a caring parent, all bets are off.

Pew Study finds teens are using more mobile apps and sharing more information. But do they really prefer twitter over Facebook?

The study showed that teens are more connected than ever and in the last 7 years are sharing more information than before. Part of this is the result of the growth of social networking, which was still in its infancy in 2006. (Facebook was still limited to university students in May 2006.)Part was the result of the explosion of affordable cellphone plans and cellphone adoption for families. Part was the myriad mobile apps allowing fast and entertaining communications. Am a big fan of the Pew Internet Life team of Mary and Amanda. I was not surprised at most of the findings, with one exception - teen use of Twitter. Teens tell me that they aren't big fans of Twitter except when they want to publicize something. They use them to support events, causes and spread the word. Facebook is still a staple, but they are using Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat and Ask.fm more often. Facebook is still their base, but the more vibrant and creative tools are favored. Years ago, when Facebook eclipsed MySpace, it was because MySpace had become too noisy, too distracting and too "trashy" according to our surveys of teens. They migrated to Facebook to find a way to better express themselves through the content, instead of the flash. That was what attracted them. The structured basis of Facebook may be the reason they are increasingly attracted to more "noise." But we're not seeing these replacing Facebook. Just the newer trends, tools and features gaining their attention now. Some of these come and go quickly. Formspring was popular until it wasn't. Ask.fm will follow this pattern, as have many others. These we consider trendy tools. Give them enough time and the teens will be bored and leave in droves. The Facebooks/Twitters/YouTubes of the world are the foundations. Tumblr (just acquired by Yahoo!)could go either way, as did Bebo, Xanga and others over the last decade. The bottomline, as our WiredMom told me, is that it has to be mobile to be used by teens and the services need to earn their loyalty not expect it.

Pardon my auto-correcter

As we focus on cyberbullying and cyberharassment, we look for instigators and intervention points. What sets it off? Where can we make the greatest impact along the timeline of cyberbullying/cyberharassment. While most bullying and harassment are intentional, some begin innocently, and the real attack comes from the retaliation. The first one is the missile launched by accident. The second one is the response, thinking the first one was planned. At stopcyberbullying.org we call that "inadvertent cyberbullying" or "accidental cyberbullying." It wasn't done on purpose, but sets off a series of attacks that are. We include messages sent to the wrong person, who might overreact to something that is understood among friends. It includes typos that leave out important words like "not" in "you are ___ fat!" Now, we have to add "auto-correction" as an instigator to harassment/bullying. You didn't do it. Your iPhone did. Or, your Droid did. Or your [fill in the blank] did. We offend by accident. Consider adding a signature to your mobile communications..."Please pardon my auto-correcter, if something doesn't make sense, comes across as offensive or is just plain silly, blame it, not me. :-)"

Talking the Talk - Understanding the Cyberbullying Terms

What we have here is a failure to communicate! (With thanks to Cool Hand Luke.) Unless you understand the terminology you can never solve the problem. You are talking about one thing and students or parents think you are addressing something else. When Parry was asked to be the only female speaker at Microsoft’s first privacy and security event many years ago, she was thrilled and honored. When they assigned her the task of creating the presentation on defining terms, she was crushed. “Defining terms!,” she complained to one of her law partners who was there. “Why? Because I am a lawyer? Because I am a woman?” While she ranted (quietly), her trusted sidekick and law partner, Nancy Savitt, explained. “You can’t solve anything unless you can plot your course. You have to define the problem. To do that you need a common language. Think of people from one country trying to solve a problem with those from another country when each speak a different language and have no common basis of communication. This is no different. You may think of 'privacy' as protecting personal information. I may think of it as defining civil rights about what you can and can’t do in your own home or bedroom. Someone else might think of it as seclusion. Unless we know which 'privacy' we will be addressing, we’re wasting our time.” As with most important matters, Parry listened to Nancy, enough to include the “Talk the Talk” theme here. Here are some of the most important terms you need to understand and use consistently if we are going to work together towards the common goal of stopping cyberbullying. StopCyberbullying Terms: Lots of terms apply to cyberbullying. It will help to come up with common terms we can all use. These are helpful when discussing the issue, so everyone understands what we are talking about. “Accidental Cyberbullies”: another term for “inadvertent cyberbullies,” this type of cyberbully was careless or clueless and hurt the other person by accident. They may have sent the message to the wrong person, left out a “jk” or “” or mis-communicated their message. “Account takeovers”: when someone takes over your account, changing your login/password or account information so you can’t use it or access it. “Click and Runs”: this term describes cyberbullying that takes place when the cyberbully is bored and looking for entertainment. They cyberbully someone for their reaction, which is monitored online and offline. “Cyberbullying or cyber-harassment”: when someone uses technology as a weapon to hurt someone else. When minors are involved, it’s called “cyberbullying.” When adults are involved (18 and over) it’s called “cyber-harassment.” “Cyberbullying-by-proxy or cyber-harassment-by-proxy”: when someone does something to manipulate others into doing their dirty work for them. (“Bullying refers to minors and “harassment” is reserved for the same activities conducted by adults (18 and over).) “Cybering”: the online equivalent of phone sex, but with the communications being typed instead of spoken. If it involves sexual or nude images or videos, it is “sexting” or “sexing”, not cybering. “Cybermobs”: large numbers of people who engage in mob behavior online by hacking, harassing, attacking and spreading nasty messages. They are often the unwitting victims of master manipulation by the abuser, who has orchestrated the situation to do his or her dirty work. They are frequently also self-righteous and believe that they are righting wrongs online. The damage they do can ruin reputations permanently. “Dupes”: for the purposes of cyberbullying, “dupes” are people who have been manipulated into cyberbullying others in a cyberbullying-by-proxy campaign. They engage in harassment or cyberbullying activities after being convinced that they are doing the right thing, giving someone something they deserve or believe that the person they are targeting started it by harassing them first. The person is being manipulated by the real cyberbully into falling for this. It’s a cyberbullying-by-proxy campaign designed to get others to do their dirty work and the “dupes” fall for it. “Extortion” or “coercion”: for the purposes of cyberbullying, extortion often takes the form of an online threat or a threat offline to do something online. It includes when someone threatens to disclose secrets or embarrassing images, puts an unreasonable amount of pressure on you, threatens to do something to you, someone or something you care about or post something online, takeover your accounts or attack you online in order to convince you or force you to do something or not do something. “Flamers” and “flaming”: nasty comments, insults and rude communications posted online for various purposes, including anyone holding opposing opinions or doing things they don’t approve. “Flamers” tend to act alone in their attacks and are highly opinionated, attacking anyone with other opinions or if they find them offensive in any way. “Hacking”: a commonly-used term to cover all non-consensual digital intrusions. For the purposes of cyberbullying, “hacking” involves the use of technology to damage, alter or destroy data, online accounts or digital devices or content of the target. “Inadvertent Cyberbullies”: another term for “accidental cyberbullies”, this type of cyberbully was careless or clueless and hurt the other person by accident. They may have sent the message to the wrong person, left out a “jk” or “” or mis-communicated their message. “Mean Girl Cyberbullies”: Always mean but not always girls, this type of cyberbully attacks reputations and engages in cyberbullying designed to socially exclude or humiliate their target. “Photoshopping”: named for the Photoshop™ software tool that allows photos to be altered or edited, this involves teens manipulating the real photo of someone else to make it appear that they were doing something they hadn’t really done, such as putting their head on someone else’s naked body or replacing the bottle of soda they were holding in a photo with a bottle of alcohol. “Posing”: when someone pretends to be someone else online, either through setting up a new account while pretending to be that person, using an account with a screen name similar to theirs (using a lowercase “L” instead of a “1” in the name), communicating anonymously or taking over someone else’s account for the purposes of hurting that person. “Power Hungry Cyberbullies”: this type of cyberbully is often also an offline bully. They use threats or physical force in real life and threats and fear tactics online. There is a subset of this type of cyberbullying, called “Revenge of the Nerds.” “Privacy Invasions”: for the purposes of cyberbullying, include misuse of someone’s passwords that had been voluntarily provided to the abuser, unauthorized use of passwords and online accounts, digital surveillance, stalking or monitoring (“spying”), unauthorized access of someone’s digital accounts, devices, activities, content and communications, coerced or pressured access to friends, digital communications, photos and videos, private messages, profiles and game accounts, text messages and cell phone call logs, public sharing of private facts, intrusion into someone’s private space or time and “hacking” for data access purposes. “Revenge of the Nerds”: this type of cyberbully is a special online profile of a power hungry cyberbully. They too want to see their victims sweat and use threats and fear tactics. But they are often the victim of power hungry bullies in real life and unable to fulfill their physical threats. They aren’t a “tough guy,” just playing one online. “Set-Up”: when someone poses as someone else and communicates with the target to see what they would do, using it to teach them a lesson or test them. “Sexing”: taking and sending sexual, sexually provocative or nude images to someone via any digital device other than a cell phone (such as a webcam, online or using a photo-sharing (such as Flickr) or video-sharing (such as YouTube) network). “Sexting”: taking and sending sexual, sexually provocative or nude images to someone via cellphone. Typed communications are not “sexting.” They are “cybering.” “Spying” or “digital surveillance”: using technology to monitor someone else’s digital communications, such as spyware or physically reviewing cell phone, text or other digital communications without the permission of the person whose account is being monitored or reviewed. It also includes audio or video surveillance. “Trolls”: are people who like to stir up trouble online and see what happens. A juicy rumor campaign can “feed the trolls,” allowing them to act out and giving them the attention they crave, especially in virtual worlds and interactive games.

why definitions matter...cyberbullying

I get a hundred emails a week telling me that stopcyberbullying.org should explain that cyberbullying happens to adults too. I reply, often, explaining that adult online bullying is called "cyberharassment" not cyberbullying. (and wiredsafety.org handles adult issues) While the actions may be identical, we traditionally use the word "bullying" for minors. We may say that a student who was beaten up on the playground was "bullied." When the same act occurs between adults, we call it "assault and battery." Why does it make a difference? Because youth deserve greater protection from harm, in our society. It's our job, as adults, to help protect them from harm. Adults have access to resources to protect themselves while many youth do not. And young people, as the bullies, often do not face the same consequences of their actions as adults. That means that cyberbullying solutions are different than cyberharassment solutions in most cases. Unless we define the problem carefully, we cannot define the right solution. So, if you say "cyberbullying" while I say "cyberharassment" and we can't communicate. US Supreme Court Justice Stephens said "I know it when I see it." (he was talking about porn, but it works just as well here.) We may know it's wrong. We may know it shouls be taken seriously. We may know it should stop. But unless we also know what to call it so people who can offer help understand what help you need, we can't offer help. Sometimes the simplest of changes, like using the right term to describe an action like cyberbullying, can be the start of something good.

Your "Permanent Record" in a Digital World

When we were growing up, threats to put something on our "permanent record" put fear into our hearts. It meant that we carried our past actions with us as we moved forward through the K-12 system. It meant no "fresh starts" and living with long term consequences of short term actions. Once we moved to college, we could breathe a sigh of relief. The "permanenet records" in life after school were limited to bad references from employers, credit histories and divorces. But that was then. This is now. Our kids can never start fresh. Their permanent records are really permanent. My line "what you post online stays online...forever" is often quoted. Old archival sites aren't the issue. The Facebooks, YouTubes and Twitters of the world are. Your posts are reposted, saved, printed and shared. When you move away, the new school students know what the former school students thought about you. The bullying can move with you. Your old fat pics, embarassing pics, boyfreind/girlfriend and what-were-you-thinking pics move too. Lies, exposed secrets, rumors, profiling, friends, enemies...they transfer too. You can't escape your past. Our kids can never reinvent themselves over the summer. They can never ditch the geeky period and become popular in a new school. You can never pretend that you were born with that "new" nose. We grow up online, with all our warts, lapsed judgment and experimental hair colors. It's like having someone capture a pic of you from the 80s and showing them to your future mother-in-law or even your kids. And it's not only things that others do to them. It's what they do to themselves! When I talk to teens about their online reputations, they cannot fathom the permanence. Brain specialists tell us that teens' brains are not sufficiently matured to appreciate consequences until they are in their early 20s. (I keep reminding my mom that my brain wasn't sufficiently mature when I was in my teens, instead of my doing stupid things. She still hasn't bought it.:-)) They don't comprehend the long term consequences of doing stupid things (whoops, I mean "things that an immature brain may cause you to do"). They sext, post far too much personal information and do things that should never be captured in their permanent record. School administrators tell me that the "permnent record" of our youth is no longer a "permanent record" as we knew it or as we feared it. That's good. But with social media and unlimited data storage and sharing, the new "permanent record" is far more permanent and far-further-reaching. No more fresh starts. No more reinventing our pasts. No more escapaing our mistakes, poor judgments or past romances. No more forgiveness. How sad.

Why is SnapChat a Problem?

Many apps and technology tools take on a life of their own. They are designed for one purpose and used for another. The major influence with digital apps and tools is how teens use it. Teens made MySpace popular in 2005. They made FormSping popular in 2009. (They also dropped them both like hot potatoes, and caused their demise or imminent demise.) SnapChat is one of those tools. Designed to allow app users to share a quick pic that isn't important enough to post on your FB page or instagram to someone. Maybe you're at the Cheescake Factory and wanted to share a pic of the enormous slice of cheesecake with your friend whose on a diet. Maybe you want to snap and share a quick pic of your outfit. Or want an opinion on which handbag to carry, flowers to buy or the price of steak. A picture is worth 1000 words and sometimes conveys the thought better than 1000 characters in a text. The image sent dissolves after 10 seconds, and the tool won't allow you to save it. But, as with MySpace and FormSpring before it, SnapChat was discovered by kids and became the next hot tech tool, featured on the cover of BusinessWeek and in the Wall Street Journal. So far, so good. So what is it in my cross-hairs? Two reasons: Criminals Use It and Law Enforcement Can't: Because it is so easily abused, and the checks and balances that any responsible tech enterprise should build or put in place are lacking. Law enforcement needs the data to be maintained for longer than 10 seconds to track criminals (including child pornographers and child molesters). From the time the complaint is made, they need to serve notice to the network to preserve the evidence and data and then a subpoena demanding the evidence needed to track the criminals. SnapChat does store anything, or at least claim they don't. SnapChat makes every child porngrapher's fav list. They can tease others using child porn images that disappear in 10 seconds. :-( Because They Think It Can't Be Saved, Users Post Images They Wouldn't If They Knew It was Permanent: Young people are sexting (pictures of naked teens and preteens, including them engaged in sexual activities) more often, thinking the image will "self-destruct" like the contract instructions in Mission Impossible. They don't worry about the image making its way into the principal's hands or their parents email box. But what they hadn't considered was that most mobile devices have a screen capture tool, allowing the users to capture it indirectly. What the user thought was temporary, becomes permanent. While sexting isn't SnapChat's fault, promises it makes and lack of education/warning tips are. Young people need to learn that everything is permanent if it's digital. If they address these two major concerns, I will be happy to set my sights on the next digital tool that isn't using its power responsibly.

It's been a busy week - Charlie Sheen's rants about a ten yr old

It's been a crazy and busy week for online abuses. Charlie Sheen used his digital pulpit to attack a prestigious private school in LA-area that his daughter used to attend. Apparently, he claims that a classmate (when they were both 9 years old) bullied his daughter. He was unhappy with how they addressed the problem and withdrew his daughter from the school last year. Now, a year later he tweets that people should deface and attack the school and even names the girl he accuses of bullying his daughter last year. While most parents of bullying targets experience frustration over the handling of bullying and cyberbullying by the school, most do not encourage provokes against the school or retaliation against a ten year old. I just shot an interview for Inside Edition on this case. They asked me if what Charlie Sheen did was itself "cyberbullying." It's not. It's stupid. It's putting students, the school's teachers and administration at risk for physical and digital attacks. It puts the ten year old he accuses of bullying in the cross-hairs of any crazies who actually follow Charlie Sheen. It will hurt his daughter far more than he knows, as well. It's a shame that we put digital weapons like twitter into the hands of adults who act like children and put the lives, safety and emotional well-being of ten year olds at risk. shame on him!

support Congress's move to help our kids become better skilled in math and science!

Bill Summary & Status - 113th Congress (2013 - 2014) - H.RES.77 - THOMAS (Library of Congress)
Following in the shoes of Canada's digital living labs, US youth will have the opportunity to compete in an app challenge. this is a great program. support it!

Valentines Day - time for romance, love and disrobing online! Seniors Alert!

I am always interviewed and speak about kids sexting and disrobing online...they engage in cybersex (sexual chat) and pose in provocative ways. We warn them about repercussions. We lecture about risks and consequences. We tell them to keep their hormones in check. But, while sexting among young people is a growing problem, so is sexting among seniors and single and not-so-single adults. I get as many emails from grandparents asking how to delete a sexy pic they shared with someone online as I do from grandparents worried about their grandchildren. While visions of 85 year olds in the buff may not be a turn-on for most of us, they apparently are for other seniors who are lonely, love-starved and still active libidos. They do it for the same reason kids do. To get someone's attention. To show they care. To share how much they care. They may do it while intoxicated or on medication and not thinking clearly. Or they may do it when not thinking at all. But mirroring their younger counterparts, they worry about what will happen if the image "gets out". They worry about family members seeing it, or neighbors, or pastors, rabbis and priests. So, this Valentine's Day, show love in other ways. If you are going to take off your clothes, do it in person and make sure the cameras are off and stay that way.

Finding Love in all the CyberPlaces - why we love to love online

I gave an interview to the Buffalo News last week. It ran today. I was asked about why people engage in online romances. We talked about the typical issues of loneliness, disconnectedness, fear of being hurt....But there are many more of us who do it becasue it saves time. Time we don't have with 24/7 ever-connected jobs. We live in isolation. Work in isolation. Commute in isolation. We at, drink and play in isolation too often as well. Who has time for getting dressed up? High heels hurt and shaving after you get home form a long day at work? Sometimes not worth the trouble. Cyberdating allows us to sit at home, in our bunny slippers with chinese take-out and fit cybersex and cyber-romance between episode of Game of Thrones and Girls. We don't have to straighten our apartments, empty the sink or put out dip. We don't have to worry about STDs, pregnancy or our kids walking in on us. When I do CNN or other news programs, or am shot for TV from my home, I often get dressed for the camera from the waist up. no one sees that I am barefoot or in my favorite sweatpants. The camera sees what you want it to see. Wearing a facial mask or had a bad skin/hair/body day/week/lifetime? No prob. Put an "out of order" notice on your webcam and do a low sexy voice instead... Sometimes, dating isn't worth the effort. And cyberdating allows us to expend as little or as much effort as we want. It's cleaner, faster and easier. Cyberdating is becoming a relationship of convenience. It's not for kids anymore. (Never was, actually.) As we think about love this Valentines Day, let's think about taking it a step further...maybe even dialing the phone! :-)

a snow day - kids reach out for help online

This past Friday most of the NE coast schools were closed for the blizzard. When I was growing up, snow days meant we could go sledding, build snowmen and forts or lay on the sofa reading books with a cup of hot chocolate. This Friday, however, WiredSafety and our StopCyberbullying helpline received four times the normal number of inquiries and calls for help. Why? We're not certain, but think it has to do with the brief break in the school schedule and the time and need to report cyberbullying. It only reminds us that if our kids spent more time building snow forts and throwing snowballs, they might have fewer problems online. Many cyberbullies act out for entertainment. They do it to fill boring time. And targets of cyberbullying will feel better when they are laughing and ducking well-aimed snowballs than sitting in their rooms brooding over online insults. Our studies have shown that online drama is seriously reduced with kids who are athletes. Whether it's the reduced time, energy or focus, or working off excess teen hormones and cortisol, offline sports reduces online angst. So, put on your mittens and UGGs and laugh a little with your kids. It's good for everyone and will keep them safer online. Who knew?

A Golden Opportunity Seized! Thank you Gov Christie

A Golden Opportunity Seized I wrote an Op-Ed for the Star Ledger Monday asking Governor Christie to seize the opportunity to protect all consumers - especially our children- from the risks of unregulated online gambling. I just learned that he conditionally vetoed the bill, but once it is amended to build in better protections of problem gamblers, he indicated that he will sign it. This is wonderful news and speaks to his continued leadership in our state and across the country. Today's conditional veto of online gambling legislation by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is an important step forward in protecting consumers - especially children - online. Governor Christie understands that we have to regulate online gaming, instead of continuing to ignore it. He has expressed concern over online problem gambling, which is commendable. To address this concern, today he charged the New Jersey State Legislature with amending the bill to include increased funding for compulsive gambling treatment programs. He also requested an annual analysis of online gambling's impact on problem gambling. This can act as an early warning system to allow the state to address any issues before they get out of hand. Thank you, Governor Christie, for seizing this golden opportunity to protect New Jersey's families. Good work! Once again, you make me proud to be from New Jersey!

Alex Wonder: New free downloadable game helps kids fight cyberbullying

Alex Wonder: New game helps kids fight cyberbullying
Everything a teacher needs to help students understand how to spot cyberbullying behavior in themselves and others, understand what to do about it once it begins and how to avoid it. It's a free download from stopcyberbullying.org.

Violence in Video Games

Every year we experience a tragedy in real life where the person responsible turns out to be a video gamer, with favorite games such as world of warcraft and gears of war. And immediately following the evidence that the person charged with the violent crime is a gamer, there is an outcry to ban violent video games. I wish it were that simple. I wish that by banning content and certain interactive networks, we could curtail violence. In my generation we all had cap pistols and bows and arrows to play with. Shooting each other on the playground with these toy guns was commonplace. My son's generation included GI Joe and teh shooting continued. War, weapons, shooting and killing were part of play since I was born (and I am sure beyond). We blamed violence in the media. Violent music lyrics. Movies like Psycho, Halloween and Terminator for stirring up violence in our youth. And now, we blame violent games. Tragedies such as Newtown, grieve us all. Lost children, the promises unfulfilled, make us want to lock up our children until they reach the age of fifty to protect them from hate, violence and fear. Gamers include people of all ages, talents, nationalities, ethnic background, shapes, sizes, religions, races and temperments. The games provide an outlet, entertainment and helps develop strategic thinking. Of course, some gamers are violent, just as some may be timid. Some are hateful as others may be kind. Some are very bright and others don't have two brain cells to rub together. It's not the gaming, or the game. It's the violent actor we should be banning, studying and finding ways to disarm. Let's not take the easy and ineffective way out. It's not technology we should be blaming. It's the bad actors.

COPPA 2.0 - Amended Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule

It's been 18 mos since we started reviewing COPPA to see what should be kept, and what should be abandoned. The world of children online has changed dramatically since COPPA was first adopted in October 1998. The FTC gave the industry 1-1/2 years to prepare and it first became effective in April 2000.

Even then, most companies failed to comply.

Over the years, many smaller (and embarassingly larger) industry members have complied by copying another site's privacy policy and claiming in big bold letters that they were compliant with COPPA.
They failed to realize that by doing so, they were making it worse when the stolen privacy policy didn't match their site's practices.

Now, the Internet as we knew it is not a desktop world anymore. Handhelds, mobile devices and technologies use different networks to connect everyone, especially kids. And none of us over the age of 15 know how to do what our kids do and what to do to keep them safe.

Some of us worried that COPPA 2.0 was taking on too much. Some advocates wanted the age raised to 16 (from 12 and under). Others wanted heavy regulations on advertisers marketing to kids, and many wanted nothing to change.

I filed two comments (one for each comment period) and assisted in drafting others for clients and companies I advise. I was worried that the knowledge standard would be changed somehow, bring an "implied" standard to the table in knowing the age of your users. I worried that plug-in providers would have a higher duty to inquire about the user demographics. I worried that in an attempt to keep our children safer and more private, we were turning off the technologies and keaving them in the dark.

I had no need to worry. With few exceptions, the new COPPA Rule tracked my wishlist and comments. It reflects how much the FTC listened to all stakeholders and how carefully they weighed the risks and benefits of a more exacting regime.

I am a fan of the current FTC Chairman. I have been since he was first selected as an FTC Commissioner. But even more, I am a fan of the people at the FTC who work tirelessly to be always available to industry and advocates alike.

We joke about the Call Phyliis and Mamie hotline (referring to Mamie Kresses and Phyllis Marcus, the COPPA mavins at the FTC), referring to their willingness to be there for questions and for ideas.

I wish all federal agencies worked as well, and cared so much.

So, for my clients which are waiting with baited breath for my guidance on COPPA 2.0, I will be in touch tomorrow. And for the rest, it's not so bad and with the right help, not so hard.

Parry


FTC Strengthens Kids’ Privacy, Gives Parents Greater Control Over Their Information By Amending Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule

COPPA Rule Changes - what do they mean for you, your family and your network?

Thirteen years ago one of the most powerful children's privacy laws in the world took effect. It required commercial networks, providers and websites (including game networks) to give parents notice of and get permission before collecting information from their preteens or enabling preteens to communicate and share personal information with others.

The law has been studied and used as a model for many kids privacy regulatory schemes around the world.

Several of us were actively involved in its drafting and clarification. I wrote most of the privacy policies for children's networks, websites and game providers in April 2000 when it became effective. Visit aftab.com for the history of COPPA and my thoughts on what works and what doesn't.

Since then, I have continued to advise the industry leaders in COPPA compliance. We have designed several digital tools and helped set industry best practice standards for kids privacy, safety and security. It's not easy, but worth the effort. And failure to comply has resulted in fines exceeding $1 million for brand names, such as Sony.

At noon the newly revised COPPA Rules will be announced, after 18 months of comments, revisions and unput from the industry, child advocates and parents. We can only guess (although many of us have educated guesses :-)) what changes will be reflected in the new rule.

But whatever the case, the networks, websites, services, digital tool providers, mobile operators and entertainment providers will have to work changes in their current practices to comply with these changes.

As parents, read the privacy policies that so many ignore. It's worth it to understand what providers are doing to protect your child's privacy.

As kids, don't lie about your age to pretend to be 13 or older. It's not worth the risk. There are so many great sites and services for preteens. And, your parents can give permission for you to use sites that allow preteens with parents' consent.

It you are a provider, network or operator to which the new COPPA Rule applies, get experienced counsel who can walk you through the kids privacy landmines.

Visit WiredTrust.com if you need help. Check out the SociallySafe.com kids seal on best practices.

Parry

The News Reports on Instagram's Ownership of Your Photos are Not True

Thank you, and we’re listening - Instagram Blog From time to time, when privacy policies are changed, people misread them and think their fears have come true. Today I heard several news reports claiming that you give up your ownership of your photos posted on Instagram, and they will now being selling them to advertisers. Not true.

I wish lawyers wrote privacy policies more clearly...

do not fear. Your rights are still protected.
Parry

As nation mourns, investigators try to figure out what led to tragedy in Newtown, Conn. | Fox News

As nation mourns, investigators try to figure out what led to tragedy in Newtown, Conn. | Fox News
I have been in the child safety space for 18 years. I track bullycides, offline violence caused by online communications, self-harm and mass-killings of children.

Each time gets harder.

We seek solutions and approaches afterwards. Lots of approaches, lots of activities following a tragedy. But we don't know how effective they are.

How do we measure prevention?
How do we measure the deaths and harm that didn't happen becasue of our empathy-training, community policing efforts and educators trained to spot students who are at risk?

I am often asked if crimes are increasing, or if we are just more aware of them now. I am not sure i can answer that question. I know we have to keep on fighting the good fight and hope that the story we never read about is the crime we prevented.

Otherwise, how can we live with kindergardners being gunned down?

Our prayers and thoughts are with the grieving family and loved ones...
Parry

FTC's Second Kids' App Report Finds Mobile App Privacy Problems for Kids

FTC's Second Kids' App Report Finds Little Progress in Addressing Privacy Concerns Surrounding Mobile Applications for Children
Many mobile app developers are good at coding, but know nothing about legal compliance and even less about kids privacy.

The FTC has ruled that mobile app developers are subject to COPPA (the children's online privacy protection act), which since 2000 has governed what digital developers and networks can collect from preteens or allowed to be shared with others about preteens.

Fines in the space have exceeded $1 million and those fined have included such stellar brands as Sony.

Some parts of the law are tricky, especially when the technology changes every nano second. But the basics are simple.
1. If you knowingly have preteens signing up for your mobile app, the law applies.
2. If your mobile app is directed at young teens or preteens, it applies.
3. The app needs a link to a privacy policy or privacy info embedded into the app (and easily found).
4. The app needs to be up front about what it is collecting from users and from the digital device (GPS, other app usage, social networking accounts, photo sharing accounts, etc.)

then, they need to walk the walk. what they say needs to match what they are doing. Too many developers to save time, effort and legal fees merely copy someone else's privacy policy. But if it doesn't match their privacy practices, they can also be charged with consumer fraud.

My new consulting firm, Wiredtrust.com, offers legal guidance, privacy best practices and the first safety and best practices seal for kids sites, Socially Safe Kids.

NYC taxpayers may have to pay for private school for bullying victim - NYPOST.com

EXCLUSIVE: NYC taxpayers may have to pay for private school for bullying victim - NYPOST.com

Unfortunately, this article was too short to address the real issue here: The Federal Ct Judge looked to the Dear Colleague Letter issued in 2010 by the Secretary of Education in Washington. Until this case, courts looked to standards of safety/security for students on school grounds during the school day for determining the school's liability.

The Dear Colleague Letter was issued following a by-invitation-only DoE/DOJ/DHHS summit of roughly 100 of us (bullying and cyberbullying experts) hosted in DC. The letter clarified the schools' obligations to assert authority when students' civil rights are impacted by bullying in any form.

But whether the Dear Colleague Letter was intended to create a new legal standard or not is not clear.

Given the large number of bullying and cyberbullying incidents in schools and the unfortunate inability of schools to address these adequately, special needs students (if this is upheld on appeal) will by and large be entitled to private school education at the taxpayers' expense. And this standard will make it easier to sue school districts on the new Dear Colleague standards.

An unintended or intended consequence?

I'll ask the Secretary of Education when the next summit is held in August.

But for NY taxpayers, this may be too little/too late.

Parry quoted on handling a teen's text "addiction" Work & Family Mailbox - WSJ.com

Work & Family Mailbox - WSJ.com

When is a hateful comment a hate crime? NJ police investigate possible biased Wi-Fi ID | Deseret News

NJ police investigate possible biased Wi-Fi ID | Deseret NewsSomeone in Bergen County, NJ (a diverse, well-educated and generally affluent county)use a hateful phrase as his WiFi handle. Someone in the community was searching for an open WiFi and stumbled upon this hateful handle. This was brought to law enforcement's attention. Unless someone hacked the "hot spot" changing an existing handle, this would not qualify as a crime.

Miss NY - Kaitlin Monte: An Advocate for Targets of Cyberbullies/

Kaitlin MonteKaitlin is an Honorary Teenangel, and won our hearts long before she won America's as the second runner-up in Miss America. While we are very sorry she wasn't selected as Miss America, we are grateful that she now has a bit more time to help victims of cyberbullying and those who want to stand up against cyberbullying.

What the Kids Want...and What We All Need.

Recently, at schools in Florida and Michigan, young people told me that they wanted to nderstand what constituted cyberbullying, how to prevent it in the first place, how to stop it once it starts, how to help others who are being targeted by a cyberbully and how to avoid crossing the line into cyberbullying themselves.

Good questions. The same ones the industry, congressional representatives, schools, law enforcement and parents have.

Later this month, along with our sponsors and partners, we will be releasing the Stopcyberbullying Toolkit for schools and comunities. It is a free downloadable resource covering everything schools, parents and students need to address cyberbullying for all stakeholders, from K-12.

Watch the stopcyberbullying.org site for registration links.

Cyber-Challenges for Athletic Directors

Substance Abuse - Internet Photos of Athletes Present New Challenges to Ads

Back to school - what should you be thinking about?

Milk forms, pencil cases (do they even have them anymore? :-)), backpacks, laptops, iPads, mobile phones, the "in" clothing, the latest loves, hates and crushes...it's back to school in North America. And parents are thinking about everything they need ot do to get their kids in school, learning and safe.

I will be publishing a series of blogs for parents on what they need to know. Simple themed tips to help you get through this in one piece.

Let's start with an easy one, cell phones:

Most schools have official or unofficial policies about cell phones on campus. Find out what they are. If the school doesn't permit cell phones in classrooms, don't think that a note from you will suffice to change this policy. Nor should it.

Cell phones don't belong in the classroom unless the teacher has a project designed to use them. They are distracting. They facilitate cheating on tests (the students take a pic of the test and text it to someone in the hall for answers). They waste time. They can be used to hurt other students or allow them to hurt your child.

If the school allows cell phones in lockers, support the rule. Remind your child that you control the cell phone and if they violate school policy with it, they lose it.

Show restraint. I know you would like to be able to reach your child whenever you want, fo any and all reasons, or sometimes no reason at all. But they are in school. If it's important, call the school office and ask your child to call you. If it's an emergency, do the same. If it's to send a message, the office works pretty well too.

Treat text like a call. If they are supposed to use the cell phone, it means text as well as calling. Don't encourage them to violate the policies, and don't allow them to violate it on their own.

Get their cell phone insured. They lose it, drop it into puddles and wash their jeans with the cell phone in the pocket. They are stolen, dropped under the bus and tossed like frisbies. It's worth the small insurance charge. It may also be insured already under your homeowners' insurance or with a gold or platinum credit card purchase.

The GPS is more valuable to find a missing phone (where they left it) than to find a missing child. But it can do both, easily.

Limit their ability to spend money with the phone on apps, games and offline items.

Know your plan, with free calling hours, numbers of texts and anything else that can sneak up on you.

Check their photos, videos and downloads often. Sexting is a serious and growing problem and an image of a classmate naked can result in serious sex offender criminal charges.

and finally remember one thing - you are the parent!
if all else fails - tell them to do it becasue you said so! :-)

Heck, it even sometimes worked for our parents. lol

Parry

Parry Aftab on the Today Show talks about cyberstalking of women, when sexual harassment is used as a weapon online.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

US Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Parents Rights in Video Game Sales to Minors

The US Supreme Court ruled today in Brown vs Entertainment Merchant Assoc. against the State of California and in favor of parental rights to decide which video games their teens or preteens can purchase. In a well-meaning law, the California legislature attmpted to regulate the sale of violent video games to minors. In a 90+ page decision, the Court voted 7 - 2 to overturn the California law. In other jurisdictions, laws that require the retailers to post ratings prominently, have not been challenged. But the right of parents to decide what content their children can consume and what entertainment they can enjoy is very carefully protected. Unless the content is illegal, parents are given broad discretion.

The Entertainment Merchant Association represented the interest of parents and the entertainment software industry in the appeal. They issued a statement praising the decision. But parents should praise it more. Parents can and should be reviewing ratings on box games they purchase or their children purchase. They should be discussing the ratings and rules with their children and enforcing those rules with spot checks form time to time. (The best rule in parenting is "trust, but verify!")Have a discussion with the parents of their friends and come to a common understanding about which games are okay for them to play and which aren't. (There is power in parental numbers :-))

Violent video games are controversial. Some studies have shown that young people are hurt by playing violent games. Others have shown that they are not. That's why parents should choose for themselves what they want and will allow.

If you own an XBox or other gaming device, parental control give you the ability to set the ratings level and amount of time your children can play games. Nintendo DSi only offers safer games, and also contains built-in parental controls. If in doubt, ask their teachers, other parents and trusted retailers, such as ToysRUs and GameStop.

Using ratings and talking to other parents, teachers and professionals can help parents figure out their own comfortzone. Those decisions should be made by the family, not the government. Luckily, the US Supreme Court agreed.

YouTube - Vint Cerf sends a video message to Parry Aftab

YouTube - Vint Cerf sends a video message to Parry AftabPary has long admired and worked with Vint Cerf in policy and safety, awareness and digital literacy issues. This meant so much to her. (If you don't know, Vint is considered the father fo the Internet.)

Summit, NJ schools ask parents not to post pictures of others' children online

When we look at good manners and what is considered right online, we have always said that asking before posting someone's pic or the pic of any minor not your own is not just good manners, it's safer.
The Summit, NJ public schools have asked parents to not post pics of other people's children they may take while at a school event.
The school administrators stated that they knew they didn't have the legal authority to madate this, but were hoping that parents would understand the merit of this position, and comply.
When I commented on the proposal, I applauded it. It makes sense, isn't about the schools trying to chill free speech of parents or students. It was about them warning parents of the need to ask first.
This promotes the kind of awareness more school districts should be promoting.
Good work!

"I'm going to tell your Mama!"

Today, while shooting a piece on Rep Weiner's cyberantics for Inside Edition, I learned something. Several things, in fact. (All from this amazing man, Kevin Harry, Inside Edition's Managing Editor and philosopher.)
When he mentors young men, he warns them to follow Bill Cosby's advice -never allow a picture to be taken with a drink in your hand or someone else;s hand. No one knows if it is alcohol or a soft drink, but assumes the worse. He says they talk too much! (Don't we all.) Not dangerous things, but too many personal, none of your business things. There is no mystery, nothing left untold. Beware of allowing people who don't need to have a copy of your pic to take it.
But my favorite is "I'm gonna tell your Mama!"
When the boys act out, Kevin gives their moms a heads up, shares access ot their Facebook profiles and calls them out - with the one person they don't want to face with whatever they are doing.
I am building an entire new campaign around his tips, with his help.
Just don't tell my mom! Please!

Bloomberg Signs Anti-Cyberbullying Bill Into Law | www.qgazette.com | Queens Gazette

Bloomberg Signs Anti-Cyberbullying Bill Into Law | www.qgazette.com | Queens GazetteGreat news! Parry and two of her Teenangels testified in support of this law.

Dozens arrested in New York, Australia and the UK in crackdown on child sex abuse » Breaking News | Wire Update News | News Wires -

Dozens arrested in New York, Australia and the UK in crackdown on child sex abuse » Breaking News | Wire Update News | News Wires -NY DA arrests 26 to stop tradining in child pornography. Australia and UK have similar takedowns.

Teacher, 25 Others Arrested for Trading Child Sex Videos: DA - WNYC

Teacher, 25 Others Arrested for Trading Child Sex Videos: DA - WNYC

26 Charged With Using P2P to Swap Child-Sex Videos | Threat Level | Wired.com

26 Charged With Using P2P to Swap Child-Sex Videos | Threat Level | Wired.com

NYC DA: Teacher, 25 others traded child sex videos - WSJ.com

NYC DA: Teacher, 25 others traded child sex videos - WSJ.comManhattan DA, Cyrus Vance, Jr., announced the bust of 26 pedophiles with a combined collection of tens of thousands of children, as young as 1 year. In what Parry Aftab believes is the largest child pornography bust by a local or regional prosecutor anywhere. The DA joined forces with ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement), leading investigators in child sexual exploitation cases, to use their new technologies to track the defendants. NCMEC will receive copies of the images to try and locate the children in the videos and images.
It's a good day for New Yorkers (unless you are a pedophile).

Combating Cyberbullying | Parade.com

Combating Cyberbullying | Parade.com I addressed a question form a Parade reader about cyberbullying in the June 12th Parade Magazine. A commentator at the Parade website indicated that the solution is easy, "just keep the teens off of Facebook," But it isn't that easy. I wish it were.

1. Many cases of cyberbullying occur when the preteen or teen are attacked online or on digital or mobile devices by other young people who use the networks as a weapon to target the reputation of their victims. The other students who see the nasty posts, embarassing images or fake rumors then help by tormenting the victim offline, in school or at the mall.
2. Some directly cyberbully their victims, sending threats or extorting them.
3. Others get third parties who have no idea they are being manipulated to do their dirty work, as they pose as the victim and do things to get them into trouble or send them thousands of text bombs so their cell phone bills go through the roof and parents do their ditry work.
4. And some spy on their victims, share their secrets or use digital surveillance tools to violate their privacy.

It's a complicated and many-faceted issue, that involves digital and information literacy skills, digital hygiene (passwords that are easy to remember, but hard to guess) and not sharing passwords with others.

It also involves contempt for others in some cases. Students looking for entertainment when they are bored. Students looking for their 15 megabytes of fame or for attention form their peers. It may be over a boy, a girl or a gripe, or being in the wrong network at the wrong time.
But, it is growing at an alarming rate and we all need to tackle it whenever we can.

Two readers wrote me today (I was the expert in the article).

One, a technology educator, thought I was adding one more thing to an already overworked and over-burdened school system. While he may misunderstand the lay of the current law and where the law appears to be going, he is right about schools being over-burdened and how parents need to play a more decisive role. On the legal issue, the suggestion I gave in the article was for school administrators to make a call to the parents. The legal lack of clarity covers suspensions or expulsions, not conversations. That suggestion had actually come from a teacher who said she used this tactic to avoid having the student re-targeted by those other students who accused them of "taatling." Few can object to being called, if the teacher witnesses the attacks.

The other emailer thought I was saying that students who report cyberbullying are "tattletales." That couldn't be further from the truth. I hope that impression was not left with anyone else. When a big topic is covered in a couple quick paragraphs in a popular magazine with a broad general audience it can never do full justice to the subtleties of these kinds of issues. (The writer did an amazing job fitting in as much information in as small a space as she did!) All you can hope for is to let the readers know where to get more information and teach them one or two things to help. The rest is left to another article, websites like StopCyberbullying.org, books, longer articles and TV specials. The purpose of this article was to help one mother understand whether she should call the other parents. I think she now has enough information to be more comfortable about what to do and where to go for more information.

Students who report cyberbullying are brave and when they report the cyberbullying of others, can be heroic. Our new Don't Stand By, Stand Up campaign on Facebook encourages bystanders to report it, not support it. And our "Stop, Block and Tell!" theme at StopCyberbullying.org and WiredSafety.org, instructs young people to "stop" and not answer back, "block" the person or message and "tell" a trusted adult.

The great thing about this article is that people are reading it, looking for answers and are passionate about the issue. People read Parade. Lots of them do (including me!) Hopefully, this article will help parents grappling with the same issues.

And if you need more information, don't worry. It wasn't their first article on cyberbullying, nor, hopefully, their last. And in the meantime, check out our site and the other great resources recommended in the Parade article.

Cyber Bullying Growing More Malicious, Experts Say - High School Notes (usnews.com)

Cyber Bullying Growing More Malicious, Experts Say - High School Notes (usnews.com)Gangs, creeps, radical hate groups - the growing weapon of inner city cyberbullies. I am calling this "drive-by bullying". Expect to see murders, sexual attacks and assaults.

We know white kids cyberbully more than minorities; we don’t know why

We know white kids cyberbully more than minorities; we don’t know whyI read this story with interest. Especially since I have been working more with inner city schools than ever to address this fiction. Years ago this was true. We could all ignore the cybersafety risks in inner city urban and poor schools. Why? Kids were not connected in those homes or even in those schools.
But inner city, urban, ethnic kids use the Internet as often as their more affluent white suburban counterparts, just through their cell phones and gaming devices, not home computers. And we are seeing a trending of physical violence and gang provocation with these kids that will result in murders, not suicides. Don't discount the issue, just understand it.

The dark side of dating websites - thestar.com

The dark side of dating websites - thestar.commany have found love online, but a few have found death. be careful out there!!!

Parry Aftab receives RCMP Missing Children's Award

The RCMP presented Parry and her husband, Canadian child safety advocate, Allan McCullough with its annual RCMP/ Air Canada Child Recovery Award today. Parry accepted her award on behalf of the children in Canada who are safer because of the Facebook/Amber Alert collaboration in Canada. The RCMP formally thanked Facebook Canada for its leadership role.

Sony begins restoring PlayStation Network

Sony begins restoring PlayStation Network - Technology & science - Games - msnbc.com a daunting task. But while Sony restores its networks, what is it doing to educate and help its customers?

New Data Breach Notification Regs Proposed

In response to the data breach by Sony's PlayStation Network (PSN) and Qriosity, the Whote House proposes a comprehensive federal data breach notification scheme that will bring all state breach notification laws into conformity.

Letters to House of Representatives and Senate on the Administration’s cybersecurity proposal (2 pages, 933 kb)

Law Enforcement Provisions Related to Computer Security (8 pages, 152 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (1 page, 93 kb)

Data Breach Notification (11 pages, 172 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (4 pages, 156 kb)

Department of Homeland Security Cybersecurity Authority and Information Sharing (11 pages, 202 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (7 pages, 240 kb)

Cybersecurity Regulatory Framework for Covered Critical Infrastructure (7 pages, 258 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (5 pages, 230 kb)

Coordination of Federal Information Security Policy (10 pages, 193 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (5 pages, 230 kb)

Personnel Authorities Related to Cybersecurity Positions (4 pages, 89 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (1 page, 72 kb)

Preventing Restrictions on Data Center Locations (1 page, 67 kb)
Section by Section Analysis (1 page, 8 kb)

Complete Cybersecurity Proposal (52 pages, 1.0 mb)
Complete Section by Section Analysis (24 pages, .99 mb)

Cyberbullying Bill Opposed by City's Human Rights Commission - DNAinfo.com

Cyberbullying Bill Opposed by City's Human Rights Commission - DNAinfo.comWiredSafety supports the cyberbullying bill, but recommends defining cyberbullying for the purposes of the bill.

Rutgers Cyberbullying Case: Defendant Molly Wei Cooperates With Prosecutors on Suicide of Tyler Clementi - ABC News

Rutgers Cyberbullying Case: Defendant Molly Wei Cooperates With Prosecutors on Suicide of Tyler Clementi - ABC News

msnbc tv: How to help curb cyber-bullying

msnbc tv: How to help curb cyber-bullyingParry shows off one of her Teenangels to talk about their upcoming June 8th summit in DC and the new stopcyberbullying game, located at stopcyberbullying.org.

Phoebe Prince bullies sentenced, but how do they make things right? - CSMonitor.com

Phoebe Prince bullies sentenced, but how do they make things right? - CSMonitor.comWhen Parry was speaking with Barbara Colorosa after a conference where they were both keynoting, Barbara explained her concept of "restorative justice." That was Monday. Tuesday Parry began building a new program for StopCyberbullying.org to help schools and criminal justice professionals understand how the cyberbullies need to work as hard to "make things right" as they did to ruin their target's reputation and life.

National children’s advocate Parry Aftab of Bergen County honored by FBI - Newark Crime | Examiner.com

National children’s advocate Parry Aftab of Bergen County honored by FBI - Newark Crime | Examiner.com

Two teens in Mass. bullying case plead guilty - US news - Crime & courts - msnbc.com

Two teens in Phoebe Prince bullying case plead guilty - US news - Crime & courts - msnbc.comExpect more pleas. These issues have become even more heated since the charges were brought.

Preteen charged under adult laws in cyberbullying sexual harassment case.

Incident exposes concerns about cyberbullying : The Issaquah Press – News, Sports, Classifieds in Issaquah, WA

'Friday' Singer Rebecca Black Death Threats: Cyber Expert Weighs In - Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV

Celebrities easy targets online. Singer Rebecca Black Death Threats: Parry Aftab Cyber Expert Weighs In - Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV

WiredSafety - ID theft support for Sony PSN and Qriocity users

WiredSafety: the world's largest Internet safety, help and education resource offers updated ID theft support for Sony Play Station Network and Qriocity users.

What can US schools do to adress cyberbullying that occurs out of school?

Free Speech and Public School Students – A Thumbnail Summary as of April 2011
The US Supreme Court has addressed the free speech rights of students in public schools repeatedly. But, to date, it has not issued a decision on cyberspeech or expression. The lower federal courts and state courts have been grappling with the challenge of applying an offline speech standard to digital speech. The US Supreme Court decisions have established the following basic rules relating to the legal authority of public schools to discipline student speech and expression:
• Student speech that causes, or is reasonably anticipated to cause, a material and substantial disruption of the school environment or interferes with the rights of others may be disciplined or restricted by the public school. (Tinker v. Des Moines Indep. Cmty. Sch. Dist., 393 U.S. 503, 509 (1969).

• In addition to the Tinker “disruption” test and its “interference with the rights of others” test, a public school may also:
o punish lewd, vulgar, or offensive student speech. (Bethel Sch. Dist. No. 403 v. Fraser, 479 U.S. 675, 678 (1986).)
o restrict student speech and expression based on “legitimate pedagogical concerns,” when the student speech is school-sponsored (such as a school newspaper) or if it could be reasonably inferred that the speech bears the school’s “imprimatur” (Hazelwood Sch. Dist. V. Kuhlmeier, 484 U.S. 260, 271-273 (1988).)
o discipline and regulate off-campus speech, at a school sponsored event, when the speech or expression can be reasonably viewed as promoting illegal drug use. (Morse v. Frederick, 551 U.S. 393 (2007).)

Because of the lack of clear Supreme Court guidance on the off-campus cyberspeech issues, the lower-court decisions have varied considerably and frequently conflict. This is particularly clear with two conflicting decisions (Layshock v. Hermitage Sch. Dist., 593 F.3d 249 (3d Cir. 2010) and J.S. v. Blue Mountain Sch. Dist., 593 F.3d 286 (3d Cir. 2010)) rendered by two panels of the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals on the same day in February 2010.
The facts of each case are very similar. In each, the students created the offending profiles off-campus, using non-school equipment, after-hours and offended their principals. The key difference was the type of reputational attack used by the students in each case. In Layshock, the student made overweight-centric attacks against the principal. In J.S. vs Blue Mountain, the student described the principal as a pedophile and sex addict.

In Layshock v. Hermitage, the court found for the student and held that school officials could not suspend a student for creating a derogatory fake Internet profile of his principal. Even though the student had taken the principal’s image from the school website and had accessed the offending profile during school hours from school equipment, the 3rd Circuit panel held that there was insufficient nexus between the off-campus speech and any possible disruption of the school environment. But, in J.S. v. Blue Mountain, a 3rd Circuit panel ruled for the school officials, holding that the nature of the off-campus speech could reasonably cause a significant disruption of the school environment.

Although the only real difference between these two cases is the nature of the attack (overweight barbs vs allegations of pedophilia) , each was decided using the Tinker standard, and weighed the likelihood of substantial disruption. While Blue Mountain found the substantial disruption test was satisfied, the Layshock panel found it was not. They then weighed whether a sufficient nexus existed between the off-campus activities and the school itself and found it lacking.

The 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals followed Tinker, along the lines of Blue Mountain and ruled for the school officials based on what they saw as reasonably foreseeable disruption of the school environment. (Doninger v. Niehoff, 527 F.3d 41 (2d Cir. 2008); Wisnewski v. Bd. of Educ., 494 F.3d 34 (2d Cir. 2007).) And a well-thought-out recent New Jersey District Court decision cited to the 3rd Circuit’s continued adherence to the Tinker standard in student cyberspeech cases.

While the law is still evolving, there are general guidelines that schools can follow. As a general rule, if the speech was created and distributed using school equipment, during school hours and/or on campus, schools may discipline students for inappropriate expression subject to the Tinker standard. The guidelines set out in Tinker are that public schools can punish student speech only when it causes, or is reasonably anticipated to cause, a material and substantial disruption of the school environment or if it interferes with the rights of others.

On the other hand, if the activity occurred using the student’s own computer or mobile device, outside of school hours, not related to a school-sponsored activity, which does not give the appearance of being condoned by the school while at the same time being off campus, schools have very limited authority to regulate or seriously discipline that activity. Such expression is generally constitutionally and statutorily protected from school regulation.

But just because school officials may not be able to regulate the speech, it may still be subject to criminal laws or be actionable under civil law. This is far more likely if the speech is harassing under state law or poses a true threat or involves wiretapping violations or digital intrusions under state or federal law or, under the federal Cyberstalking Act, if it is anonymous and intended to annoy the victim.

John Walsh Show Episode Guide 2002 - How to Keep Online Predators Away from your Child | TVGuide.com

John Walsh Show Episode Guide 2002 - How to Keep Online Predators Away from your Child | TVGuide.com

Parry Aftab News, Parry Aftab Bio and Photos | TVGuide.com

Parry Aftab News, Parry Aftab Bio and Photos | TVGuide.com

sony data breach

Local News Story

Factbox: Sony breach latest in string of cyber attacks | Reuters

Factbox: Sony breach latest in string of cyber attacks | Reuters77 million sony playstation users data breach may compromise credit card data, security info and profile contact info.

FT.com / Retail & Consumer - Data breach hits 70m Sony customers

FT.com / Retail & Consumer - Data breach hits 70m Sony customers70m users lost data in sony playstation hacking breach. with network down, users can't shutdown access to their accounts. data loss includes credit card info, contact info and security hint info on users.

Youth play tackles cyberbullying - Sherwood Park News - Alberta, CA

Canadian Youth play tackles cyberbullying

'Friday' Singer Rebecca Black Death Threats: Cyber Expert Weighs In - Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV

'Friday' Singer Rebecca Black Death Threats: Cyber Expert Parry Aftab Weighs In - Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV

'Friday' Singer Rebecca Black Death Threats: Cyber Expert Weighs In - Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV

'Friday' Singer Rebecca Black Death Threats: Parry Aftab, Cyber Expert Weighs In - Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV

Teens share self-injury, 'cutting' videos on YouTube - USATODAY.com

Teens share self-injury, 'cutting' videos on YouTube - USATODAY.com

The Expositor - Sparta Tennessee > Archives > Life > Online Safety

The Expositor - Sparta Tennessee > Archives > Life > Online Safety

Teenangels in Franklin driving young motorists to safety - Milford, MA - The Milford Daily News

Teenangels in Franklin driving young motorists to safety - Milford, MA - The Milford Daily Newsgotta love my teenangels. this is their new "curb distracted driving" program!

Cyberbullying: An Interview with Parry Aftab « Educational Technology and Change Journal

Cyberbullying: An Interview with Parry Aftab « Educational Technology and Change Journal

Most kids victims of cyber-bullying | Edmonton | News | Edmonton Sun

Most kids victims of cyber-bullying | Edmonton | News | Edmonton Sun

Parry Aftab at Saffron Conference

Parry Aftab at Saffron Conference in Alberta

Many theories, but no proven solutions on how to stop bullying - NorthJersey.com

Many theories, but no proven solutions on how to stop bullying - NorthJersey.com

Child Pornographers Use Online Social Networks to Foil Investigators - The Washington Post

Child Pornographers Use Online Social Networks to Foil Investigators - The Washington PostTechnology is tricky. While it can provide criminals with new tools, it can also provide law enforcement and advocacy groups with powerful tools to find and report criminals.
While Google shut down this technology several years ago (and is actively involved in the fight against child sexual exploitation), instant picture and video-sharing features exist on hundreds of applications.
That's why it is crucial that law enforcement are trained in the latests apps and digital technology capabilties. That way, when they walk in to slap on the cuffs, they know what to look for and where.
Luckily for those of us on the side of the kids, child molesters and creeps online leave trails of cyberbreadcrumbs, from the embedded GPS code on many cameras, to MAC and device information.

Joy Behar viewers: Take our new survey on what we can do to stop cyberbullying.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Got an opinion on what we can do to stop cyberbullying> Tired of having some kids ruin it for everyone?
Do you enjoy using the Internet and digital technologies for school, work, fun and communication? Sick of seeing smut lists, slut lists and the rest of the garbage some kids are posting and sharing?

You can be part of the solution, instead of part of the problem. You can report it and not support it! You can speak out and provide help and support to others who need it.

Join wiredsafety.org or our teen and preteen cyberbullying prevention program, StopCyberbullying.org. Don't stand bby and watch bad things happen online, stand up to stop it!

Don't Stand By, Stand Up - Take the survey

Don't Stand By, Stand Up (25)Too often we focus on all the teens and preteens who are acting out online. A vast majority are caring and use the digital technologies for fun, education and to change the world. Take this survey and show everyone how we can change things for the better.

Nude cyber-images of some 50 female stars stolen - The Early Show - CBS News

Nude cyber-images of some 50 female stars stolen - The Early Show - CBS NewsParryappears to provide advice to celebs and regular teens alike.

Thinking Outside of the Box - no knee jerk reactions to what .XXX means

http://www.wiredsafety.org/resources/pdf/xxx_whitepaper.pdf
to review WiredSafety's whitepaper on dot xxx and what it can mean for privacy, child protection and the security of adults.

Dot XXX registry approved after years...

ICM Registry
PRESS RELEASE (US Version).XXX adult entertainment domain name gets the go ahead
- ICANN authorizes ICM Registry’s .XXX as a top level domain name -
- Landmark decision provides progressive new home for adult entertainment online -

Friday, 18th March 2011, San Francisco – The .XXX top level domain name (TLD) was today given final approval by the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN).

The approval grants ICM Registry’s .XXX web suffix with the same rights as .com, .net, .co.uk and other TLDs. The only difference being that as a sponsored TLD, .XXX domain names will only be available to the adult entertainment industry. The contract will require anyone registering a .XXX domain to complete an application process endorsed and overseen by the International Foundation for Online Responsibility (IFFOR).

The introduction of .XXX provides numerous benefits. For consumers who wish to browse adult entertainment sites, itprovides reassurance they are more protected from the risk of viruses, identity theft, credit card fraud and inadvertent exposure to child abuse images. It will also provide individuals and parents who wish to avoid adult entertainment sites the opportunity to filter out unwanted .XXX material.

The benefits of .XXX for online adult entertainment providers include predictable revenue streams, greater customer retention and the chance to take a proactive and responsible approach to their web presence.

Stuart Lawley, CEO of ICM Registry, the company behind .XXX, said: “ICANN’s decision to give .XXX final approval is a landmark moment for the internet. For the first time there will be a clearly defined web address for adult entertainment, out of the reach of minors and as free as possible from fraud or malicious computer viruses.

“We believe consumers will be more prepared to make purchases on .XXX sites, safe in the knowledge their payments will be secure. Tens of thousands of adult entertainment website owners recognize the business benefits of .XXX and have already applied to pre-reserve over 200,000 .XXX domains.”

.XXX will be regulated by IFFOR, an independent non-profit entity made up of a seven-person Policy Council, including a child protection representative, a privacy and security expert, free-speech advocates and adult entertainment industry leaders. It will be funded primarily by $10 (USD) annually from every .XXX domain registered.

Clyde Beattie, Director, IFFOR, said: “Today’s announcement means IFFOR will be able to contribute programs to make a difference in protecting children online. In addition, we will be able to establish a forum for the online adult entertainment community to communicate and proactively respond to the needs and concerns of the broader internet community.”

ICM Registry will offer current intellectual property owners the opportunity to reserve relevant domain names before going to the open market, enabling them to protect their brand names and intellectual property rights within .XXX.

For more information, please visit: www.icmregistry.com

-Ends-
For further information, please contact Jonathan Schecter at M&C Saatchi PR:

Email: jonathan.schecter@mcsaatchi.com
Tel: + 1 646 202 9613
For out of hours, please call: +1 646 592 3437


About ICM Registry (www.icmregistry.com)
ICM Registry is the company behind .XXX. ICM Registry is a financially stable and completely independent entity with no affiliation, current or historic, with the adult entertainment industry. As a registry operator, ICM Registry will provide management, supporting infrastructure and back-end functionality.

About IFFOR (www.iffor.org)
IFFOR is a non-profit entity that will serve as the policy-making body for the .XXX extension. It is independent from ICM Registry and will have its own board of directors and Policy Council representing all stakeholders, including child safety representatives, members of the free speech community and adult entertainment industry leaders.

IFFOR will be funded primarily by $10 (USD) annually from every .XXX domain registered and will engage in various programs and activities, including:

• Promoting public awareness of technologies, programs, organizations and methods available to protect children online
• Enhancing development and proliferation of systems for labeling and identifying material
• Sponsoring approved child safety and reporting organizations
• Supporting free expression to allow Internet users’ right to choose the online material they desire

wiredsafety and pace collaborate on a mobile safety summit.

THE EXAMINER – PLEASANTVILLE: Darren Hayes – Op-Ed on Safer Use of Mobile Devices | Press Room

Fair Lawn students step up against cyberbullying - NorthJersey.com

Fair Lawn students step up against cyberbullying - NorthJersey.comthese students just started their Teenangels training and attended a mobile safety event hosted by WiredSafety and sponsored by Facebook and Verizon.
They are terrific and insightful teens and preteens. Once trained, they will do local speaking engagements to schools, parents and policymakers.