Wednesday, June 23, 2004

What do you say when there is nothing you can say?

One of my dearest friends is married to an incredible man. He is gentle and kind, caring and thoughtful, supportive and softspoken. He is perfect for her. And, as her friend, perfect for me too.

I don't mind when he answers the phone and even chat a bit before asking for her. He never seems to mind when I disrupt their lives, privacy and quiet. He is a good man.

And he is very sick.

For the last several months he has been complaining about back pain. Not a man to complain, everyone listened. As residents of Canada, he had to wait forever to get the one doctor in a town of 120,000 to work him in. Even then he was given something for the pain and sent home. He was told to apply heat compresses and rest. When things didn't improve, my friend, a nurse in her former life, insisted that he have an MRI. The brilliant medical system in Canada sent him for a catscan instead and catscanned his neck, instead of his middle back where the pain had settled. They found nothing and changed his medications.

He felt horrible complaining about what everyone said was just some arthritis. He stopped eating and became very depressed.

Then one day he couldn't stand or walk. The doctors this time ran a better scan and found growths in his lungs that had spread to his spine. He was admitted immediately and radiation therapy was begun that afternoon. The radiation therapy helped and he is able to now move and feel his legs again. Chemotherapy was begun as well. He was moved to a hospital a bit closer to home, and waits.

And his family waits too. His little ten-year old daughter doesn't know what she is waiting for, but she is waiting too.

Waiting for a cure, waiting for a miracle, waiting for her daddy to come home.

I am a fixer. Some people theorize. Others do. I do. Sometimes I do it wrong, but doing something is essential to me.

I can't do anything here. I too am waiting.

I don't know enough to "do" anything here. I can help the wills get written and the durable power of attorney and living wills. I can review insurance policies and get property in order. I can pray.

But waiting for answers here is hard. We have too few good men in this world already. We can't lose another.

I don't know what to say, so I share these things with you...And hope you understand.

with love, for Ron. Keep him in your prayers, please.


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